In the restaurant business they call it a soft opening: the tables are set, the staff is fully engaged, and the chef’s family and friends arrive at the door, full of good will and prepared to sample the menu while the kinks are still being worked out in the kitchen.
I think of today’s blog post as my own soft opening, here at this revamped website that I’m just learning how to manage (thank goodness I have two techno-savvy sons at home this week to lend a hand as it goes “live”). I don’t feel quite ready to invite the public at large, but I do hope that my regular readers, friends, and family will show up and check things out here in the newly designed digs. And please, let me know what you think — whether I’ve got it right, whether it still needs a tweak or two, and most of all, whether this feels like a place that will draw you back.
When my son Henry and I sat down to create my first website, a few weeks before “The Gift of an Ordinary Day” was published, I had never even read a blog before, let alone written a post. I bought a basic package, he set up a couple of pages for me, and, at my publisher’s behest, I began to type, not at all sure what I had to say or whether anyone would ever find their way to katrinakenison.com.
Now, nearly a year and a half later, I’m finally ready to admit it: I love pausing here for a few hours each week to reflect on the ups and downs, the lights and shadows, of everyday life. I love the discipline required to shape some of those thoughts into words, and I love most of all the fact that it is always a two-way conversation. In sharing a bit of my own story, I’m rewarded many times over by your willingness to write back and share your own.
How blessed I feel, to be part of a greater community of fellow writers and readers, a grateful participant in an ongoing on-line dialogue about life, work, books, parenthood, growth, and change. It’s a conversation that continually reminds me that, different as the details of our daily lives may be, we are all connected, and we are all asking ourselves some variation on the same questions: “Have I loved well? Am I caring for the people around me, for my community, for the earth, to the best of my ability? Am I paying attention to the things that truly matter? Am I grateful enough, awake enough, to appreciate the life I have right here, right now, just as it is?”
A few days before Christmas, I set up a little private altar in our living room — a candle, an apple, a framed print of angels in flight given to me by my neighbor Debbie, and a prayer tucked into a sealed envelope. With a holiday to create for my family, a succession of meals to make and clean up after, the agendas of two grown sons to negotiate, various visits and commitments here and there, I knew how easy it would be to get so caught up in the “doing” of Christmas that I would miss the “being.” Our boys are home for just a couple of weeks, the days are flying by, soon the house will be quiet once again, and these moments will be memories. And so I prayed for the presence of mind to be present. To have the grace to set aside my own expectations for this family time and to be, instead, the mother my sons need right now: loving without condition, flexible rather than insistent, grateful for what is right in front of me rather than judging each moment and finding it lacking, blessed with faith in my childrens’ best selves and with enough wisdom to act from my own.
I know I’m not the only parent who enters into the holiday season with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation, not the only mother who concocts some “ideal” of the way things should be, only to lose sight of the beauty of things as they are. But I sometimes think that I must be the slowest learner on the planet. Why else, year after year, do I need to learn the same old lesson all over again? Writing it down, putting my request for help and guidance into the hands of angels and the universe, helped me feel a little less vulnerable to my fears and a little closer to peace. And peace is what I am trying each day to cultivate in my heart. Such a small shift, really, from nameless fear to spacious peace. But what a difference in the way I relate to my husband, our sons, the unexpected twists and turns of the day. Living in fear is like being frozen. Relaxing into peace is like turning a face toward the sun, moving from frigid paralysis into warmth, love, life. As Mary Oliver has written, “When the thumb of fear lifts, we are so alive.”
On Christmas Eve, it was just us four here, the first time we’ve been without my parents, my brother, his wife and children. Steve and I had colds, sore throats, coughs. It was not the festive celebration I’d envisioned; we were too sick for that. So quiet, I thought at first, such a letdown, to be sick and home alone on Christmas Eve, rather than surrounded by family or friends. But Henry and Steve did the supper dishes. Jack helped me put presents under the tree. And then we sat down together in the living room and read Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory,” passing the book and taking turns, voices cracking. I loved listening to my sons read aloud. Presence was the present. It was, in fact, a perfect evening. Snow is falling here this morning; it has been snowing all night. There is nothing that needs doing, nowhere to go. The holiday is over, quiet reigns. And I’m realizing that my heart this week has been undergoing its own soft opening, thanks to angels, and to sons who are growing up to be good men, and to a family that reminds me, daily, of the simple joy of giving love and being loved in return.
Nice blog post mom
Angels. Here too, lots of angelic presence and quiet moments. Just got back from the magic pond.
Your new site looks fabulous!!! (and I am completely charmed by your comment from Henry).
xox
Thanks Lindsey! Still working out some kinks here — let me know if you have any at your end. (ie, we still haven’t gotten the subscription thing functioning). But I’d love any feedback.
I love your new site! It is so pleasing to the eye and inspires me to get going on my own much-needed revamp. I love this post, too. I had my own holiday of shattered expectations – undoubtedly the subject of this week’s post if I can only find the time — and much like you I wonder why I set myself up for disappointment year after year. Why is it so hard to just be?
Your web site feels comfortable and the font is bigger which makes it easier to read.
Your blog is wonderful, only to be capped off with your son’s support which made me smile.
Happy New Year!
Yes! I completely agree, as always! I’m so sorry for your illness, but happy for the peaceful ‘different’ holiday it brought you. I’m glad you could see the good in the staying home and treasure those moments too.
The site looks GREAT. The comment by Henry is charming. The banner across the top is wonderful. I think you’ve got yourself a shiny, brand new home here.
Good job, my friend. Now get well. Soon.
judy
Love your new Website and Henry’s charming comment.
Brilliant, exciting…and built on my beloved friend WordPress! You will love the architecture of your new site as I have loved mine for years now.
Congratulations, and feel better, all of you. xoxoxoxo
The new site is great. It feels very comfortable and is easy to navigate!
As for holiday expectations, it is always difficult to let go and just be, but what rewards when we are able to do just that!
Love the layout, and the post. I have “A Christmas Memory” on my bookshelf, but have never read it. I think I’ll have to pull it out.
Happy New Year to you and your family, and wishing you many blessings in 2011.
Love the look. The color. Reflected in the writing. A snowy feel. Learned that snow absorbs sound because it contains air so that is why it is quieter. This is a quiet site. Peaceful. Best wishes on this initiation.
Lisa
Love the new design!
It’s been some time since I visited, and what a delight to come here today to your new and so welcoming and comfortable space. Our own holidays were quiet and wonderful. My boys are young, 22 months & 4, and I feel so blessed to have learned the lessons I have so that I could make this a holiday to remember because I lived every moment, without rushing.
Lovely post and lovely new home!
It’s perfect! Easy to navigate, & your presence is clearly felt. I’m hoping come spring that the snow-covered branch will bloom, just as you have 🙂 Congratulations on a beautiful new site!
Such a soothing site! As a mom to a 3 1/2 year old boy, a 1 1/2 year old boy and another boy due in March, sitting in front of my computer just doesn’t happen…all of my Internet time is on my phone, so I very much value an easy to read and see site! I love that the colors are soft and the set up is asthetically pleasing, allowing me to fill my page with your words and thoughts easily. As you all know too well, in the few precious quiet moments that a mother has, being able to visit quickly gives me a few more seconds to ponder :-). Great job on the site!!!
Great blog design. It feels welcoming but uncluttered. Thank you for sharing with us!
Love the new site!!
Wonderful…just wonderful…
I love the new website…beautiful done. I love this quote……”Relaxing into peace is like turning a face toward the sun, moving from frigid paralysis into warmth, love, life.”
Im going to carry this with me all day.
thank you,
Susan
P.S. May I quote you on my blog?
Of course you can quote me, an honor. I’m trying to carry this thought with me, too. Thanks for writing!
Hi Katrina, I love your spirit on your old site and I love your spirit on this new site—which is truly lovely… for me a portal into a place eternal, evoking an afternoon into evening spent at one of my favorite professor’s cozy cottage, snow falling outside in the softly gathering darkness, bright talk of books and all they contain glowing within.
Here’s to the gentle ascension of the thumb of fear and all good wishes for 2011.
And when we get the thumb’s up from our kid… what could be better on any extraordinarily ordinary day rife with subtle blessings?
Namaste
You have utterly raised the bar with this, Katrina. Much love to you throughout 2011.
where you go i will read. you are just ordinary. and i search for that.
I just love your new website. I love how it celebrates winter right now and is “present” to what is. Thank you for sharing a new blog during this busy time. I too smiled when I saw your son’s post. Well done.
What a gorgeous site! I feel like I am sitting in your living room with a cup of tea.
I can bet I am a slower learner than you. Thank you for this beautiful post and the line:
Living in fear is like being frozen. Relaxing into peace is like turning a face toward the sun, moving from frigid paralysis into warmth, love, life.
Ah. Thank you for helping me find that soft space today.
Much love and abundance in 2011,
Pamela
A beautiful new website to begin what will hopefully be a wonderful new year! Reading your comments has become one of the small joys of my week – I am always happy to find a new entry and new posts from fellow bloggers. I look forward to spending more time with you in the coming days.
Blessings to all for a happy, healthy and peaceful 2011.
Old site or new site, it doesn’t matter as long as your words can be found. Thank you for all that you offer. Joy and Peace in the New Year to you and your family and to those who are dear to you. I really wish that I had the words to articulate how much your site means to me. Enjoy being together with your dear sons..
Katrina, Your new site is beautiful!–simple, clean, love the soft blue color to go with your book’s blue cover. This space feels more personal, more at-home…which is quite an accomplishment for a webpage of any kind, I think!
And Henry’s comment brought a smile to my heart!
Some technical feedback: I didn’t notice you had a new post because it didn’t show on my Google Reader. I went directly to your website and found this latest post.
To make sure I don’t miss your next post, I did enter my e-mail to subscribe to your blog posts.
Happy New Year, Katrina!
Thanks for continuing to write in this space. Your words are a gift–one that keeps on giving, with each mindful reflection you share. Thank you.
Thank you for your wisdom. Have a wonderful 2011!
It’s been quite awhile since I have visited and I’m grateful that with the coming of the new year I have hope that I will continue on my journey to be grateful for and live in the present. Part of that journey is your blog and I’m happy to be back…and to a great-looking site! I was most taken by the quote on your homepage, the one about the best gifts being just those ordinary days. As I laughed, cried, reflected, planned and felt utterly moved by your book, it was that very quote that at the end summed it all up for me, and here, as I start 2011 I am thankful to have it right before me again.
Peace and blessings to you and your family in 2011!
love it here.
one of my children has gone back to their life away, and one is still here for a few more weeks.
you have reminded me of what i still have in front of me.